


Derring-dude

by interabang



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Meet the Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29281053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interabang/pseuds/interabang
Summary: Rachel brings Joey to dinner with her dad to introduce him as her new boyfriend.
Relationships: Rachel Green/Joey Tribbiani
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	Derring-dude

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovelyflowersinherhair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyflowersinherhair/gifts).



> Takes place in an AU after TOW Ross is Fine, in which Rachel and Joey power through and are happily dating.

When Rachel told Joey that her father wanted to meet her new boyfriend, she could tell that Joey was nervous.

“But I’ve met him before, remember?” he said, keeping his voice down so Emma wouldn’t hear him from Rachel’s room. “At one of your birthday parties. Nice guy – I asked him where the dip was, and he told me to tuck in my shirt.”

Rachel sighed. “Okay, but this is _different_ , Joey. He doesn’t know who my new boyfriend is.”

“Sure he does! One time he just walked right into the apartment while I was watching the game, and he asked me where you were.”

“This isn’t him having dinner with us as just friends, or roommates,” Rachel said. “He specifically asked me to bring my new boyfriend to dinner.”

Joey walked behind the counter, opened the fridge, and closed it. “What about your mom, is she coming?”

“Nope. She says she has a doctor’s appointment, which actually means she doesn’t want to come. She likes you, but she doesn’t like it when Daddy grills my boyfriends.”

“Oh, man, why’d you have to say that!” Joey cried in as quiet of a voice as he could manage, and opened the fridge again.

Rachel went up to him and enveloped him with her arms from behind. “Aww, I know, honey. It can be intimidating, but I think you’ll get along with him just fine!”

Joey was quiet for a long moment, until he said, “Wow, we really need to restock this.”

Rachel leaned up on her tip-toes, resting her chin on his shoulder as she winced, taking in their low food supply. Most of it was for Emma, and there was a single apple on the shelf. “I’ll go grab some stuff from Mon’s.”

“It’s fine,” Joey said, closing it again as he turned around, taking Rachels hands in his. “I’m gonna be an adult about this. I’ll pick up some groceries tomorrow, hire a sitter, and we’ll go see your dad. It’s just... It’s been a long time since I’ve met a girlfriend’s dad.”

“Well, all you really need to do is find something you have in common,” Rachel said, perking up at Joey’s burst of responsibility.

“Huh, yeah,” Joey said, as he started to grin. “Y’know, him and I can probably bond over the fact that I play a doctor on TV. And he _is_ a doctor in real life.” 

Rachel blinked “…Or you’ll find something else you can talk about!”

  
Despite the professional piano playing in the five-star restaurant, Rachel could hear Joey’s awed whistle. There were fancy chandeliers, fine china, the whole works.

“Woah,” he said, then extended his arm out to Rachel, “Leonard sure must’ve wanted to make an impression when he picked this place. No wonder he asked us to get dressed up.”

“Oh, well, honey, I mean this in the nicest way possible,” she whispered, linking her arm in his as they were led to her father’s table, “He’s not trying to impress you. This is just how he is.”

“No way,” he whispered back to her. “He is _totally_ star struck.”

“Baby!” Leonard called out, standing up to give Rachel a hug, “How’s my little princess doing?”

“Hi, Daddy,” she said, then turned back around as Joey smoothed down his tux, “This is Joey. You’ve met him before, but you’re probably more used to seeing him on _Days of Our Lives_ when Mom’s watching.”

“Huh,” Leonard said, peering at Joey, “You’re a lot shorter in person.”

Joey nearly tripped over his foot as he pulled Rachel’s chair out for her. “Pleasure to meet you too, sir.”

“So, what exactly is going on here?” Leonard asked after they got settled in. Rachel had already filled Joey in that Leonard would order all their meals ahead of time. That’s just the way he was. She assured Joey that it would be _really_ good steak.

“Um, so, well, we’re dating!” Rachel announced, placing her napkin on her lap and smoothing it down. “It took a while for us to realize how much we love each other, but we got there eventually!” She let out an awkward laugh as Joey took her hand in his, and they exchanged a quick smile. Looking at him both calmed her nerves, while giving her butterflies all over again.

“No, I know who this is!” Leonard said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Joey. “Is this your roommate? _And_ your boyfriend?”

Rachel let the waiter pour extra wine for her.

“Uh, yeah,” Joey said, shifting in his chair as he put his napkin on his lap too. “We’ve been living together for a while, and Rachel and Emma have just been _so_ great. Every day’s like a new adventure for us, you know? So we went to Barbados a few months ago, and —”

“— What Joey’s trying to say,” Rachel cut in before he would start rambling about the details of their trip, and then the non-stop sex they’d had after Ross gave them his blessing, “is that things just... you know, clicked for us! Funny how things work out like that, right?”

“Yeah, and sir, you don’t have to worry about me doing anything to mess this up. I’m fully committed in this relationship, and Rachel and I are both ready to raise Emma together,” Joey added. Rachel turned to him, extremely impressed.

“Right,” Leonard said, and reached for his wine. “Well, since you didn’t have a baby with my daughter out of wedlock, you can’t be all that bad.”

“Uh, yeah, guess I can’t be!” Joey says, lighting up a little.

Leonard narrowed his eyes. "So tell me Joe, _are_ you planning to have a baby with my daughter out of wedlock?"

Rachel gulped down her wine.

Things surprisingly eased up a little after that. Rachel was actually starting to enjoy herself - Joey asked Leonard about his work, and then they stumbled into talking about Joey’s boat. He hadn’t taken it out in a year, but Rachel was thankful that there was at least _something_ for her father and Joey to talk about. When Joey put his arm around the back of Rachel’s chair and credited her for teaching him to how to sail, Rachel felt warmth flood through her, and not just because of the wine.

Then, after they were served their meals, Joey said, “Oh, now that’s what I’m talking about!” as he eyed his steak.

To his credit, Leonard nodded with a grin. “Can’t find better steak anywhere else! Well, maybe in Vegas.”

“You've been to Vegas too, sir?”

“Sure, plenty of times. When was the last time you've been?”

“Oh, you know, probably four, five years ago - I think that was around the time Rachel got married to Ross.”

Rachel spit out the piece of filet mignon she'd just taken a bite of, and it landed right on her father's plate.

“... What,” Leonard said. 

Joey's eyes went wide as saucers as Rachel wiped her mouth with her napkin, and proceeded to chug the rest of her wine. “I mean, uh - that was around time they won the lottery! Yeah, huge payout, it was a blast!”

When Rachel lowered her wine glass, she saw her father sitting across from her, staring right at her.

“You mean to tell me,” he said, his voice calm and even, “that my baby girl got married to that fossil brusher and she didn't even tell me?”

“Now, Daddy,” she said, as Joey wiped his brow, “I can explain.” She searched for an explanation, but couldn't find one.

She hoped he wouldn't cause a scene.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'M GONNA KILL HIM!” Leonard bellowed, digging his phone out of his pocket and hunching over it as he dialed. “Where is that lowlife's number?”

“Daddy, please,” Rachel begged, taking Joey's hand in hers and squeezing it. Whether it was to give him comfort, or to give her something to steady herself so she wouldn't pass out, she wasn't quite sure. “It's not that big a deal; Ross and I got divorced not long after, and it was just a huge mistake, all right? So, no biggie!”

“NO BIGGIE?” Leonard shouted, causing some other patrons to turn their head and watch. Rachel covered her face with her free hand, absolutely mortified.

“Mr. Green, I'm sorry,” Joey stammered, “It wasn't like they planned it or anything. You know Vegas, right?” He offered a weak chuckle.

“Yeah, and apparently what happens in Vegas, doesn't stay there at all!” Leonard finally found Ross's number, and began to dial.

“Daddy, please,” Rachel whispered, “People are looking at us.”

Leonard swiveled around in his chair, taking in the patrons and approaching waiter “Well, then I hope they enjoy the show!” He held up one finger to the waiter, who, to Rachel's lack of surprise, just stood there, looking nervous. Usually there wasn't much anyone could do when he got into his moods.

“Come on, come on, pick up,” Leonard muttered, still looking at the crowd while holding the phone up to his ear. “Finally! Hey, Geller, I got a question for you - _what the hell were you thinking_?”

Before Rachel could start sinking in her chair, Joey got up and grabbed the phone out of Leonard's hand.

“What the —” Leonard said, then turned back around, staring at Joey incredulously. Rachel was giving him the same look. 

“Sir,” Joey said, snapping the cell phone shut as Leonard gaped at him, “I really appreciate you inviting us out to dinner. I've had a nice time, and I'm really sorry I said anything about Vegas.” He looked over at Rachel. “I shouldn't have, and that was my fault.”

She game him a small smile in response, and he turned back around to face Leonard. “But please don't let my mistake ruin the night for us, or Ross. Rachel's right, they _did_ get divorced afterward, and Ross has been nothing but supportive with Emma. I know Ross has made a lot of mistakes in the past —”

“— You think?” Leonard asked, but he was still staring at Joey like he'd grown a second head.

“Yeah, loads. But he's a good guy, and you know, maybe it would be better for everyone if you just let bygones be bygones and treat your granddaughter's father with the respect he deserves.”

Rachel began to tear up as she watched Joey hold up the phone.

He paused, then looked up at the chandelier in the ceiling. “Wait, grandaughter? Grandaughter of Rachel's father... so that would make Emma his - yeah, that's right! Anyway.” Joey shook himself out of his own thoughts and slid the phone across the table to Leonard. “Stop being mean to Ross, all right?”

Leonard just sat there as most of the patrons shrugged and went back to their meals.

The waiter finally took a few steps closer to the table as Leonard let out a long, ragged exhale. “Is everything all right, miss?”

“Oh, yeah!” she said, fanning herself with a hand as she wiped a tear away with the other. “Thank you.”

The waiter nodded, though he glanced at Leonard with apprehension before leaving. 

“You know what, I think I'll head out too,” Joey said, leaning over to Rachel. “If your dad wants to kill me, he can at least do it outside.”

“Um,” Rachel said, but before she could finish her thought, Joey took his plate of steak and walked out of the main dining area.

Rachel watched him head out of view, and turned back to her father, who was toying with his phone.

“Daddy —”

“— Well, he's got some brass ones, I'll give him that," Leonard said, letting out a chuckle as he set his phone to the side. 

Rachel blinked a few times. “What?”

Leonard lifted his wine glass, peering at Rachel over the rim. When he lowered it, he said, “That boyfriend of yours may be an idiot, what with all that crap about standing up for Geller. But he’s not so bad.”

Just then, Leonard's cell phone rang. Rachel eyed it with trepidation, but when Leonard picked it up, he was smiling slightly. “Geller? Hey, sorry about that.” 

Rachel raised her eyebrows at him, and he went on, “Yeah, listen, I... well, the thing is...” He groaned and hung up. “Yeah, I can’t do this.”

“Oh, come on!” Rachel hissed.

Leonard put his phone back in his pocket. “That’s as far as I’m ever going to get with him, all right? He’ll have to deal with it. And go find your boyfriend. I don’t think he can leave this place with that plate.”

Rachel shook her head a little, chuckling as she got up from the table. “Oh, I’m sure he found a way.”

She found Joey standing next to the bar, eating and talking to the bartender. 

“Yeah, he caught me,” Joey grumbled. 

Rachel pulled him away from the bar, and the bartender looked horrified.

Joey raised his arms, showing that he wasn't eating anything, “It’s cool, man. It’s cool.”

“You didn't have to do that,” Rachel said, failing to hide her smile.

“Yeah, well, if this means your dad is never gonna approve of us, I'm sorry,” Joey said with a sigh. “But I had to say _something_ , Rach!”

“No, seriously, you didn't. My father's _never_ gonna like Ross.” Her smile widened a bit. "But I'm pretty sure he likes you."

“Really?”

“Yeah. And so do I. Kinda a lot, actually.” She stepped closer to him, swaying her hips, and, for a moment that was too short but also pretty damn great, she reached up on her heels to kiss him.

Joey instinctively reacted, holding the plate up so she wouldn't crash into it, and meeting her lips with a grin of his own. 

“Sir, the plate —”

“— Keep your shirt on, it's fine!” Joey insisted to the bartender before he kissed Rachel again. “Want a bite?” 

“Actually,” Rachel said as she moved in even closer to Joey and started running her hand up and down his outstretched arm, “I was really impressed with what you did in there. Nobody talks to my father that way, but you did, and... It worked. I think you are gonna be just fine with him.”

“No kidding?” he asked, switching his gaze from her hand on his arm to her eyes.

“Nope. In fact, seeing you get all protective and defensive like that made me kind of...” She bit her lip as she gave his bicep a squeeze. “ _Hot_.”

“Tell you’re dad we’re sorry later, but we have to leave. Right now.” Joey instantly moved over to the bar to set the plate down, and took Rachel's hand to lead her away. 

She grinned at the bartender as she and Joey left the restaurant with a flourish. “See ya!”


End file.
